Are You a Rebel or a Questioner?

Before we start working with our clients, we like to get to know how they respond to expectations, both internally and externally. In this process, we introduce them to Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies Quiz. Gretchen is one of today’s most influential and thought-provoking observers of happiness and human nature. She is a speaker who has written many books about happiness and good habits and also hosts a podcast, called Happier with Gretchen Rubin.

In her book, The Four Tendencies, she explores how people respond to expectations differently. She says that everyone will have one dominant tendency that drives them to make decisions.

In a nutshell, the 4 tendencies are:

Upholders - want to know what should be done

Questioners - want justifications

Obligers - need accountability

Rebels - want freedom to do something their own way

Knowing which tendency our clients fall into helps us guide them to new habits and to set up systems that will be more likely to stick!

For example, if we know our client is a “Rebel, we know not to give them homework in between sessions. They won’t do it! Since our goal is for them to feel successful in this process, we wouldn’t introduce this option. However, an “Upholder” would more readily take on homework in between sessions, as they are self-directed and have no problem taking initiative.

Clients who are “Obligers” tend to need accountability. In this case, I might check in with them more regularly, or ask them to check in at certain points, during the process.

Let’s look at the tendencies a little deeper:

Upholders:

They readily meet external and internal expectations

They’re self-directed, so they can meet deadlines, work on projects, and take the initiative without much supervision

They enjoy routine and may have trouble adjusting to a break in routine or sudden scheduling changes

They put a high value on follow-through

They may get angry or defensive at the suggestion that they dropped the ball or made a mistake

Questioners:

They question all expectations and meet them only if they believe they’re justified, with the result that they may meet only inner expectations

They put a high value on reason, research, and information

They follow the advice of "authority" only if they trust their expertise

They follow their own judgment, sometimes even when it flies in the face of experts who (allegedly) know more

They hate anything arbitrary - rules like "Five garments to a fitting room"

They may have trouble delegating decision-making because they suspect that others don’t have a sufficient basis for action

Obliger:

They readily meet outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations

They put high value on meeting commitments to others

They succeed when given accountability, with supervision, deadlines, monitoring, and other forms of accountability, such as the duty to be a good role model

They may have trouble delegating because they feel that some expectations are attached to them personally

They may have trouble setting limits on others’ demands

They may need managers or others to alleviate expectations, or they may rebel

Rebel:

They resist both outer and inner expectations

They put a high value on freedom, choice, identity, and self-expression

If someone asks or tells them to do something, they’re likely to resist

They may respond to a challenge: "I’ll show you," "Watch me," "You can’t make me," "You’re not the boss of me"

They may act out of love, a sense of mission, belief in a cause

They have trouble telling themselves what to do, even when it’s something they want to do

They don’t respond well to supervision, advice, or directions

I’m sure you can see yourself in one of these tendencies! If you’re curious to find out what tendency you fall into, you can take the quiz here.

Be well,

Meghan LeBaudour